OK, so tonite starts the new season of “The Jersey Shore” and I am sitting here watching LX New York (don’t know why.. it was on)– and what are they talking about.. “Jersey Shore” Fashion .. Yes I said it, Fashion. As I am watching this I am thinking, wait, didn’t I go through this fashion in the 80’s? And the answer is....Yes, yes I did - so do I have to go through it again? No, no I don't.

Now, I do have a few friends who have never left the 80’s. (can’t really say anything… you know how that goes) They are mostly women, but a few months ago, I was at Jane’s, and then….

…he walked in…. Black T-shirt, Black Jeans, Black Cowboy boots, gold necklaces, bracelet, rings, and his key ring hooked on his jeans belt loop( of course) All that was missing was his slicked back black hair.. oh wait.. he had that. Never mind. Moving on…

I know what you are thinking.. “Who is this fine specimen of a man?” Well, his name is Gino.. yes, Gino.. (I cannot make this up people.) Now, I am not judging him by the way he looks (you know – like the people in Arizo-.. oh did I say that – outside voice again.. I really need to stop that.. ) but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt – I mean really, you only hear about this kind of guy in sitcoms.. So I was introduced to Gino, and then he opened his mouth . Did I hear a low melodious resonating voice? Uh.. no.. it sounded like… Joe Pesce. No, I am serious, I swear, if you close your eyes, you would think you were listening to a scene from My cousin Vinnie–

I think my favorite part of being there that day, was listening to the bromance between Gino and another guy talking about “the good ol’days” The way they were talking about music and bands, you know, who was dead and what great music they made – well it sounded like they were reliving the 50’s and 60’s.

I hope I get the chance to see Gino again – because you know there will be a story –

Time for a decaf...

later kids...

Melissa, from the coffeehouse...

Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.

Weekend in the Country?

When the weather forecast is bleak for the entire region and your husband suggests leaving the city to go to your summer home/getaway/relatives wherever in the country, just smile and say "No thanks dear, I'd rather walk on my lips."

Bleak weather in the city is fine. You can still run, drive whatever to the nearest civilized shopping area or entertainment source. When trapped in the bowels of Far Upstate (or as I call it F.U.), this is just a fantasy in your little city girl head.

Here is a gleaming example of what happens in F.U. country:

I needed a few things from the grocery store, Peppers, Eggs, Hamburger Rolls, and Bread. Now I was keeping my expectations low about finding low-fat, whole grain, cage free, organic etc... I was just hoping to find the actual items together in one store.

No such luck folks.

Four Items = Five Stores ("store" is a stretch for these places)

Store Number 1 - The first place we went to had none of the items even though it had a sign designating it as a grocery store. It did however have large quantities of the following items:

1. Customers who looked like they were desperately out of cigarettes or heroin with misspelled tats covering things I did NOT want to see.
2. Beer
3. Styrofoam coolers (yes they still exist)
4. Ice
5. Bait, in the same cooling unit as tomatoes
6. AND as announced in all Caps by the sign on the cash register

PREGNANCY TEST KITS

I fled with a child in each hand saying under my breath; do not touch your faces or anything else until we get you some hand sanitizer so you can bathe in it.

Store Number 2 - We proceeded to a grocer claiming to have organic items. I was able to secure the peppers, a red onion and a few plums for about $300.00 give or take. The prices were so high I thought I'd bought magic produce and debated changing my name to Jack then planting them in hopes of finding a golden goose. Not a stitch of bread in the place though. Not one crumb; as if the grinch had been there before me and took the last morsel of the Whoo feast. As for eggs, there was not even a dairy section; enough said.

Store Number 3 - Closed by order of blah blah blah ... health code violations!!!! Oh for the love of God! I am now frightened and I just want to go home and I mean my real home in Rockland County. I am about to have a panic attack when I become acutely aware that my children are with me and they are staring at the dead animal in the vehicle next to me. Now I did not know this prior to the dead animal incident but my SUV will "burn rubber" when needed.

Focus! Rolls and bread and eggs! Oh My! Rolls and bread and eggs! Oh My!

Store Number 4 - a small Italian bakery. Praise the Lord! The bakery was great but the clientele....I was in fear for my life. I have always had a theory about rednecks; Rednecks do not kill you, they keep you. Bread and rolls - Secured! Heart Attack - Survived!

Store Number 5 - - I finally stoop to stopping at a gas station convenience store for eggs. The aisles are small and the patrons are smelly but I persevere and get my dozen.

NOW RUN!

So my friends, stay home, go to Jane's have a latte or one of the famous iced teas at Jane on Main and avoid the F.U. experience.


---- ---- Cocoa from the flowerhouse

The Jersey Shore at the NYSE - really?

So I am reading and what do I see - The Jersey Shore cast ringing the NYSE bell - really? Are you kidding me? The end must be near...I mean, that is sad - really and truly sad... I mean, I can understand Elton John, The Rolling Stones, Bono - and even Madonna.. but "the situation and Snooki?" really, is that what it has come too?

I really thought that the reality show explosion was on the down swing.. but I was wrong.. now don't get me wrong - I love a good "housewives" ANYTIME.. who doesn't.. hell, maybe it is the demographic - But Big Brother, whale wars, cupcake wars..those stupid nanny shows, the list goes on and on - and I am so over who is getting booted off the island. oh did I say that.. oops.. I thought that was my inside voice-sorry.


Oh and then there are the dance shows.. because it wasn't enough to have American Idol, America's got talent.. The dancers must have felt slighted.. so bring on Dancing with the stars... So you think you can dance.. and my favorite.. Dance your *(& off..

So0 then I was thinking maybe we should have our own reality show... yeah, that is it.. and I am up for any titles you may have... Coffee with Jane... or.. Really, Eugene, Really? Or my favorite.. Ask Joe.

yeah, I need a latte..

ok kids... peace out...

Melissa from the coffee house

"Given enough coffee, I could rule the world."

Mommy Needs Coffee Not Chickens

Thank the Lord the Jane on Main has good strong eye opening coffee. Without it I suspect I would be making the noon news cast with artificially somber reporters announcing things like "Before turning the gun on herself.............." & "Eyewitnesses claim to have heard the assailant whimpering about the inability to have a decent night's sleep in 8 years and chickens"!

Chickens?

I often tell my closest friends this:
When my children are talking at me simultaneously with rising volume and speed accompanied by pokes, pulls and punches, I called this daily ritual:

being pecked to death by chickens.

I find it a perfect analogy for this behavior. Now when my children begin pecking me to death I simple start making chicken noises for their amusement and to distract them ("distract" in mommy language means shut them the hell up). Not sure if they think the chicken noise is funny or if they are laughing at some crazed look on my face which was most likely their initial goal.


All moms have experienced this at one time or another and probably have their own special name for it; some repeatable, some not so much. I do not dispense advice or claim to know anything about children. Frankly, every day I find myself wondering if I will ever learn that these punks, I mean dear sweet loves of my life, are always calculating their next move and lie in wait for the moment that I am most exhausted, say noon, and then pounce, "Mom can I set the shed on fire now?" "Sure Sweetie, just make sure you're wearing sunscreen".

I do know that these things are true of my children and am thrilled to discover that other moms have the same issues. This is one of the reasons I like to go to Jane's, grab a coffee, and laugh with the other people who are dealing with the same farm animals in their own homes.

Eggs Anyone?

Meet Jane's New Blogger Cocoa

Hello Everyone. Let me introduce myself to you all.....
I will be using the name Cocoa to honor my long love affair with chocolate and to protect my long suffering husband from further public humiliation.

I am a regular patron of the fabulous Coffeehouse, Jane on Main, where the coffee is fresh and Joe in the back room is not (P.U.). Jane found some of my anecdotes humorous and asked me if I'd like to blog on her website. I took a giant swig of her famous red iced tea and replied, "What's a blog? Am I required to be naked because I am really not up for that? Do I have to be pleasant because frankly I think I am early pre-menopausal and there are days when I am just hostile towards stupid people? Will that be a problem?"

Jane is from the Bronx; enough said!

So soon I will try to see if anyone else finds the same things funny, annoying, or plain ridiculous.

Speaking of Mel Gibson aka Ridiculous, I have one word for that man - - tantrum! That was clearly a man entirely too old for this type of behavior having a two-year-old-like tantrum over a lost opportunity for oral. HELLLLLLOOOOOO! Anyone else think Mr. Gibson needs a pacifier shaped like a giant nipple.

Bye Bye Lindsey....Hello Housewives of DC...............

Good Early Evening From Jane On Main....

I just love a train wreck..don't know if I am just fascinated by human nature and what makes people tick or if these train wrecks make me feel like I am the most sane, grounded & level headed girl around (adjectives not normally used to describe me)!!!! I am way to chicken to go to jail, although in Lindsey's case, I may consider a trip to the "big" house".  She won't be mixing it up with the other prisoner's so she gets to stay in her cell where she can sleep, read a few scripts, exercise, think. She doesn't have to worry about what she looks like so if she skips a day or two in the showers, not a big deal. Her meals will all be made for her, maybe not gourmet but for the rest of us this would be a great opportunity to lose a few pounds before emerging into the spotlight upon a release. I even hear there is a million dollars on the table for her to write about her "horrifying" experiences in the big house. If she is feeling lonely she can fake a suicide or depression attack and make her way over to the jail hospital, like her pal Paris before her, where she can then lay around in a more comfy bed and watch TV.  Hey, not a bad way to check out for a while and get some rest.

Poor, poor, poor Lindsey, my heart bleeds but we keep this girl in the spotlight. We keep her thinking she is way more relevant then the war in the middle east, more newsworthy then the Gulf disaster, more controversial then extending unemployment benefits for over a million of our neighbors but hey.....maybe not as talked about as our Mel..... It's like the housewives of where ever, NY, DC, OC, CC, where ever I am watching! It will never seize to amaze me what some people will do for 15 minutes of fame....ie; balloon boy, hello wackadoo's!!!!!! You could just look at that father and see him salavating for the camera!! Train Wreck, ballon boy, celebrity rehab, bad girls club.....I'm Watching!!!!! I need some mindless entertainment!

OK, can't even go to the Mel thing, way too much material there and someone needs to run the coffeehouse here in Pearl River. Speaking of, we have our book club this Friday night 7:30pm so if you are in the neighborhood pop by. We usually have a very interesting group with interesting conversation after the book. 

Stay tuned for more.....Jane

bye bye linsdey...see you in the Fall

Good morning everyone...

As I sit here drinking my coffee watching the news, I can't believe how much press Lindsey Lohan is getting this morning! Well, wait, yes I can....remember Martha and her drama? I guess it does not matter if the cap in the Gulf is or is not working! Or what is going on in Afghanistan, the important thing is that Lindsey is going to prison! Ah.. the press... Well, I truly believe that if you don't follow the rules on parole, there are consequences...duh. Well I do hope that she does get along with the other 2,000 women there. I know she will find a new BFF and I am sure we will get updates on how she is doing.. really... Do we care that much.... really?

anywho....FYI - Mel Gibson and Oksana are going back to yet another custody hearing today..really Mel, really? - have you not heard your own voice on all the phone calls/message tapes you left your ex girlfriend? .. uh yeah, mel go home where you can be hateful to every human.. and you can do that.. alone. Mel, Mel, Mel... give it up you are going to lose. Have you not heard tape 6? This just makes me sad for baby Lucia.


I am away from the coffeehouse this week- a family situation has called me away. But you can't keep me away from blogging - I am sure that I will have plenty to say later... it is just early and I have not had the proper amount of coffee to function.. I know you understand.

OK coffeekids... See you all soon...

Melissa from the coffeehouse..

Given enough coffee I could rule the world

Welcome back from the silence... Thank God!

Well here I am.. Melissa from the coffee house.. get used to it.. because there is alot that goes on here that you will need to know. Seriously, there is alot that goes on here - so many people in and out of here.. ah.. where to begin...

I guess it would be a good idea to share how I met Jane and her fun bunch. She had just opened her funky cool coffee house and was still choosing what exactly to have on the menu.. I was walking by the shop and was drawn in... I walk in and Jane said hi and the next thing she said was " try this pastry and tell me what you think." Well that was it.. our relationship began..

The shop in our town was a great addition - we did not have anything like this here and me being newer to the area - I was looking for a place to hang out and call my own!!
I started coming in on a regular basis, getting my non fat latte - delicious, usually made by Jane's mom, Betty - The woman knows how to make a latte.. but she has since retired - at that point I had a choice.. make it myself or have Eugene make it..who is Eugene you ask? Stay tuned, I will let you know...Getting back to the lattes... well for awhile Jane made them for me.. (but there was that hot chocolate phase I went through - so good..really she makes the best HC) Then I finally let Eugene make me a latte.. he did a good job.. (actually I am drinking one right now.. delish... )

In the back room of the coffeehouse is a well kept secret.. Joe. He is the order guru - and full of humor.. I love Joe's humor..he is very dry and very quick.. he cracks me up.. He always has something funny to say - always.

So many characters that come into the shop.. just stop by the blog, and if you are in the area.. the shop.. seriously, she just got fresh pastries in .. you should get in your car, on your bike and come ... now. Hurry she closes at 6.


And Jane..

Welcome back from the blog silence - we are all glad.


Peace out kiddies-

Melissa from the coffeehouse

*given enough coffee, I could rule the world*

I'm back from the silence!

I'm back!!! It has been a rough couple of years. House fire, heart attack and the worse recession to hit this country since the great depression! WOW......still hanging in there and decided to open up a funky and cool coffeehouse within my flower shop to keep my head above water. So if you are 18 miles north of manhattan come hang out, have a cappuccino fresh sandwich or salad and the best cupcakes your ever going to taste. I feel like a bartender at times and am really enjoying the chance to interact with so many interesting people. just dropping a quick note to blow the dust off my writing fingers. better posts to come. Thank you to all who have continued to support my company, it means more then you'll ever know! Jane